“Be a Man” in Therapy

“Be a Man” in Therapy

Ben Metta Penhas, PsyD

In our world, men are often taught from a young age to be stoic, tough, self-reliant, and emotionally reserved. We have all heard phrases like "boys don't cry" and "man up," reinforcing the idea that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. These expectations of what “manhood” is create challenges for men to be able to seek help and learn to express their emotions appropriately. As a male therapist, I've had the privilege to witness firsthand the transformative power that psychotherapy can have in the lives of men. Working with men from all walks of life, I’ve seen how societal demands and social norms can affect their mental health and emotional well-being.

Over the years, I've worked with many boys and men who initially struggled not only to articulate their emotions but to identify them as well. More often than not, these men are struggling with many of the same things that we all struggle with. Things like life, family, work, relationships, money, and self-esteem. However, their symptoms often manifest in ways that make it hard to recognize from an untrained eye. Instead of openly discussing feelings of stress, sadness, or anxiety, I have seen men report symptoms like headaches, fatigue, unexplained aches, feeling angry, bored, irritability, or withdrawn behavior. These indirect expressions of distress are often overlooked or misunderstood, leaving many men feeling isolated and unsupported.

Very interestingly, when men come into therapy a lot of times they come to the first session with this perception of being self-defeated, as if they have failed or lost in life. However, this cannot be further from the truth. Seeking therapy is sometimes exactly what someone needs to be able to relearn how to interact with the world internally and externally. The process of opening up can be daunting, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. My goal as a therapist is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where men feel comfortable exploring their emotions. Many times it tends to be the first time in their lives that they do this.

As the journey of therapy starts, and men begin to share their experiences and feelings in therapy, I have seen remarkable changes start to occur. Spectacularly, they start to learn to recognize and label their emotions, which is a very important step toward learning how to manage them. This increase in emotional awareness can lead to improved relationships with partners, workers, family, and friends. They become more open, communicative, and empathetic with others and themselves, which develops deeper connections to others.

My experience as a male therapist has given me the opportunity to bear witness to the incredible resilience of men who choose to confront and express their emotions. While societal norms may have told them to suppress their feelings, therapy offers a path to healing and growth.

If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that it's okay to reach out and ask for help.