Emotional Regulation: Tools for When Feelings Take Over

Kelly Anderson, PhD

Emotional dysregulation can feel like your emotions are steering the wheel, taking you on a rollercoaster of unpredictable ups and downs. If you’ve ever felt your reactions are too intense, too sudden, or simply overwhelming, you’re not alone. It’s natural for emotions to ebb and flow throughout the day—they serve as important signals about what we’re experiencing. However, some people face frequent and abrupt emotional shifts or reactions that feel disproportionate to the situation. When these shifts happen often and feel difficult or impossible to manage, it may be a sign of emotional dysregulation.

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional fluctuations are a natural part of life. We all experience moments of joy, sadness, frustration, or excitement as we respond to what’s happening around us. For most people, these emotions come and go, rising and falling in a way that feels manageable, even if they’re intense at times. Emotional dysregulation, however, occurs when managing or responding to emotions becomes overwhelming or unbalanced. It’s not about being “too emotional” but about struggling to control the intensity, duration, or expression of emotions, making it feel difficult to stay grounded. People experiencing emotional dysregulation might:

  • Cry uncontrollably over minor frustrations.

  • Explode in anger over seemingly trivial situations.

  • Feel emotionally numb or shut down after overwhelming experiences.

What Causes Emotional Dysregulation?

Understanding its root causes can offer clarity and self-compassion. Here are some common contributors:

  • Childhood Experiences: Growing up in environments where emotions weren’t validated or healthy regulation wasn’t modeled, can make managing emotions difficult.

  • Trauma: Significant or repeated traumatic events can dysregulate the nervous system, making it harder to process emotions effectively.

  • Neurobiology: Conditions such as ADHD, autism, and mood disorders can involve unique challenges in how the brain processes and regulates emotions.

  • Chronic Stress: Long-term stress can overwhelm emotional regulation systems, making even small issues feel insurmountable.

Signs of Emotional Dysregulation

If you’re unsure whether emotional dysregulation is affecting you, here are some telltale signs:

  • Frequent Mood Swings: Shifting from elation to overwhelm in a short period.

  • Difficulty Calming Down: Once upset, it takes a long time to return to an emotional baseline.

  • Larger than Average reactions to Triggers: Small inconveniences feel like major crises.

  • Self-Destructive Behaviors: Coping with intense emotions through impulsive spending, self-harm, overeating, or substance use.

How to Manage Emotional Dysregulation

Although emotional dysregulation can feel overwhelming, there are practical strategies you can use to regain control over your emotional responses.

1. Build Emotional Awareness: Understanding your emotions is the foundation of regulation. Tools like journaling, mood-tracking apps, or simply pausing to ask, “What am I feeling right now?” can help you identify emotional patterns.

2. Practice Grounding Techniques: Grounding exercises can help you stay present and reduce emotional overwhelm. Try these:

  • Deep Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts.

  • 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.

  • Practice daily mindfulness to build the skill of being in the present moment

3. Cultivate Self-Compassion: When emotions feel out of control, self-criticism can make things worse. Counter this with affirmations like, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or remind yourself, “I’m doing my best right now.”

4. Learn Emotional Regulation Skills: Skills taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), like mindfulness and distress tolerance, can be incredibly helpful. These techniques are designed specifically for managing intense emotions.

5. Prioritize Physical Health: our physical and emotional health are interconnected. Regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and high quality sleep can improve your emotional resilience.

6. Seek Professional Support: Therapy is often an important piece of learning tools to address emotional dysregulation. A therapist can help uncover root causes, identify triggers, and create a personalized toolkit of coping strategies.

If you struggle with emotional dysregulation, keep in mind that it doesn’t define you and it doesn’t have to control you. By understanding your emotions and implementing small, intentional practices, you can learn how to better manage and feel more in control of your emotions!

Kelly Anderson