Building a Practice of Gratitude
By Kristin Schwartz, PsyD
One of the simplest and most powerful phrases in the English language is “thank you.” While most of us were raised to observe good manners by employing “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” into our everyday affairs, creating a practice of gratitude can be daunting. As if we don’t have enough to do in our over-packed days and our far too short nights.
While this busy-ness of life is absolutely true, the power of gratitude cannot be denied. Maybe more importantly, most of us are facing a reality that as we get busier and more successful, we aren’t seeing an equal growth in happiness or health.
Recent research has shown us that a daily practice of gratitude can move mountains in the areas of happiness, wellbeing, and physical health. What’s more, it does not require an extra trip to the gym, an extra shower, or cutting out everything that tastes good. Even better, it is 100% free of charge. A daily ritual of gratitude can carry with it a powerful impact on health and wellness without all the obstacles to success or taking up another valuable slot on your calendar.
While the best practices are done in a quiet space that has been carved out specifically for self-care, it’s not a requirement. A simple script and a little headspace is all you need. Let it be the way you fall asleep at night or turn off the radio for a few songs on your way into school or work. Even better, rope a friend or family member into practicing with you.
It goes something like this…
Bring into your mind a person or animal that you absolutely adore; a simple and happy relationship that does not bring you any challenges. Now, repeat these four lines out loud or in your mind:
“May you be peaceful and at ease”
“May you be joyful”
“May you know lovingkindness”
“May you be well”
Easy, right?? If you have different words that fit better, use your own words to represent the same themes—peace, health/safety/security, joy, love.
Then pick out your favorite mental image of yourself as a child (once you’ve developed a solid sense of kindness directed toward yourself, try using a more recent image of yourself):
“May I be peaceful and at ease”
“May I be joyful”
“May I know lovingkindness”
“May I be well”
Next, think about a random person, someone you barely know or just ran into in a grocery store but never actually met:
“May you be peaceful and at ease”
“May you be joyful”
“May you know lovingkindness”
“May you be well”
Lastly, think about someone who is an absolute pain in your hind end… SERIOUSLY. DO IT. The harder the relationship, the better:
“May you be peaceful and at ease”
“May you be joyful”
“May you know lovingkindness”
“May you be well”
If you have more time, bring other people into mind and practice the same exercise. If you have less time, at least do a round for someone with whom you have an easy relationship, yourself, and someone who really challenges you. The more specific you can get, the better. Use names. Use language that fits for you. If you’re having trouble bringing images to mind, find pictures and keep them on hand or in your electronic device. Make it as easy on yourself as possible. The more time you can take, the better. However, thirty seconds is better than nothing at all. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Saying thank you does not end and begin with how we relate to one another. Gratitude can be invited into how we relate to ourselves. When was the last time you said “thank you” to your incredible hands that write or type? Your feet and legs that carry you through the day? The eyes that let you see? If your answer wasn’t today, maybe it can be now. Ten seconds of gratitude may not make your waistline slimmer overnight, but it certainly will bring out the beauty in you and everyone around you.